PART I
Background
My parents divorce was finalized when I was 13. It had been a rocky road for two years prior. My father moved 100 miles away and remarried within the same year. My mother remarried a year and a half later and divorced ten years after her second marriage. If you are contemplating divorce, are in the midst of getting a divorce, or you are divorced and wonder what your children are thinking, what to do, how to act, I would like to offer some advice from personal experience. I am not a counselor, therapist, or social worker so any thoughts I have to offer are strictly from a personal and not a professional perspective.
Point #1
Don’t make your child your counselor or therapist. While you may not have anyone else to turn to, resist the temptation to “dump” on your children. They don’t know what to do, what to tell you, or where to turn themselves. My mother wanted me to become her best friend after the divorce. I can still remember her crying in the kitchen saying, “I can’t live with him and I can’t live without him.“ Here she was talking about my father. My mother and I had not been close as I had been Daddy’s girl. Don’t think that you will suddenly become closer to your children when your spouse moves out of the house. If you don’t already have that special relationship, it won’t happen overnight. And you trying to make them your best friend won’t help. I was even my mother’s maid of honor at her second wedding. At age 14 was I going to tell her no?
So, my point is – find anyone other than your children to talk to, cry with, and express your anger and grief during this painful time in your life. You must put your children’s well being ahead of yours. If you just can’t find anyone, call me. I’ll lend an ear and a hug.